My Story

In December of 1999, I was confronted with the painful truth that I did not have it all together. I had just graduated from the fire academy and was working as an EMT in Orange County when things started to unravel. From the outside looking in, things were going great. I was focused and accomplishing goals, but on the inside, I was struggling. I was hoping for a much-needed pick me up with my recent graduation, but unfortunately, I was left with more confusion. In fact, I was miserable. 

Then one night I found myself talking with my mom.  She could tell I was in pain and recommended I talk with someone, maybe even a psychologist. I don’t remember a whole lot more about our conversation, but I do remember that “psychologist” word getting under my skin. I did not need a psychologist; but I did need something, I needed God back at the center of my life.  

For some time I had been going through the motions, checking all the boxes that matched with being a follower of Jesus Christ, when in reality, that was not the case.  I was going to church twice a week and even drove around with my bible on the back of the seat of my car.  My issue was not belief; no, my issue was commitment, but that was about to change.

When I had finished talking with my mom, I jumped in my car and headed home. I am not sure where it began, but somewhere between my parent's house and the local feed store (less than a 10-minute drive), most likely as I passed Fallbrook Presbyterian Church (FPC), everything changed. As I was driving out of town, I began recalling a conversation I had with Danny White five years earlier. He was my youth pastor during my high school years.  

We were standing at the free throw line at FPC and facing north after returning from our winter high school trip. I remember him putting his arm around me and telling me God had a plan for my life. I also remember not caring, and telling God “Not Now!” It ended with me walking out the doors through the back of the gym. My mind was made up of what my high school experience was going to look like, and following God's lead was not a good fit, or so I thought. 

Fast forward five years and there I was, driving by the spot of that pivotal conversation, completely miserable and lost, but at the same time, reliving that distant memory as if it happened yesterday. Then out of nowhere, as if God was speaking right to me, I was presented with a pointed question, “this is your second chance, what  is it going to be?”  Without hesitation, I said, “I give up.” With those three words and a spirit surrendered, my life changed forever. 

The Spirit of God rocked me. Over the next few minutes or hours, I can’t really recall, He let me know He was alive and well and had a plan for my life. I’ve only experienced such intensity with the Holy Spirit one other time which happened nine months later while on a mission trip in South Africa. Not knowing what to do, and being a little overwhelmed, I pulled out my Bible and started to read, and so began my journey. 

To God be the Glory!

Joshua J. Craven